Food Fraud: The Great American Ripoff

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Foodies pride themselves on hunting down the freshest, finest ingredients before they plunk down their hard-earned dollars in restaurants that insist their dishes are made from the finest ingredients. It’s mostly authentic, 100% fresh bullsh*t. Here’s what you’re actually paying for…
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USDA Grade A Beef

Beef labeled as USDA Grade A is nearly impossible to find. Because it basically doesn’t exist. Less than 0.5% of beef labeled as USDA Grade A is actually inspected by the FDA, due to staff cutbacks. So the rest is just fraudulently stamped butt ends trucked from some slaughterhouse and served up at your table. At a 200% markup…
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Lobster Bisque

Treating yourself to that finest of soups? You’re being ripped off. More than likely, the “lobster” in the pot is actually langostino, which is a cousin of the crab. A distant cousin…
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EVOO

Extra Virgin Olive is neither Virgin, or Extra. It’s most likely soybean or sunflower oil, mixed with a bunch of synthetic chemicals. If you’re not in Tuscany, you’re getting ripped off…
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Fresh Shrimp

The only way to get fresh shrimp is to catch it yourself. Otherwise, it’s made it to your plate from halfway around the world, caught a month (or more) ago and packed in ice ever since. And, no matter where it’s from, it’s so contaminated by Mercury, the FDA recommends we consume it no more than twice a month.
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100% Grade Parmesan Cheese

What’s brazenly labeled “100% Parmesan Cheese” on the front label shows some fine printing on the ingredient label on the back. “Contains up to 10% polymer or “wood pulp.” Wood pulp? So, it’s basically glorified sawdust and carpenter’s glue. It shouldn’t be on the table. It should be IN it…
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Milk

Milk? MILK is fake? Sorry. It’s true. A recent study showed that what is labeled as “Whole Milk” actually contains such ingredients as “oil, urea, detergent, caustic soda, sugar, salt, and skim milk powder.” So, don’t trust it. Unless it comes straight from dear old Mom…
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Grass-Fed Beef

Just because a cow raised in a factory farm is fed a mixture of grain containing steroids and antibiotics with some grass thrown in doesn’t mean it’s been raised on an idyllic country farm. Even the grass is contaminated. By the cattle’s own feces…
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Kobe Beef

If you just paid $350 for the finest cut of Kobe Beef, you should ask for, like, $325 back. That’s because authentic Kobe beef from Japan is sold to just THREE restaurants in the US and, even THAT is the lowest grade possible. Settle for Outback Steakhouse every time…
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Sushi

Forget it. There is no such thing outside Japan. In the US, any uncooked whitefish is passed off as any number of sushi platters. Most of the time, the fake “chefs” entertaining you with knifeplay are laughing through their sleeves as you savor your Teka Maki roll, which is probably labeled as Red Snapper. It’s not that either. It’s probably Tilapia. Which, let’s face it, doesn’t sound anywhere near as cool……
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